Production Journal: Commitment Issues Stemming From My Parents Divorce

Pre- Production

   Through this photo essay I originally hoped to achieve a feeling of nostalgia from the way my family used to be. I wanted to convey this feeling of sadness and longing for a past time. On top of this, I wanted to show people that there is hope for the future. I wanted to prove that families change and regardless you remain a family and must love and support each other.
    I came up with the concept randomly one day when I was watching a movie montage commercial I used to watch when I was a kid. The movie montage was a preview for some of the MGM films I used to watch when I was a kid. For some reason my emotions were triggered when seeing this preview for the first time since being a little boy. The music brought back such distinct memories reminding me of my childhood and my house with my family. Once seeing this again I immediately wanted to do a video montage of my family, past and present. Over time though I realized that a photo essay would be even more effective. As written in my artist statement, I really believe that photos capture moments better than any other tool. For this reason I decided to create my own montage through a photo essay.
    I had many difficulties preparing for the photo essay because I chose a challenging topic. Since I chose a photo essay that would involve my parents whom I am not around anymore it became increasingly difficult to figure out a way to incorporate present feelings with them. I did not have the luxury of being able to take pictures with them to show my current family relationship. I decided to draw a story board to give myself more guidance and structure. Unfortunately, even a story board could not help me get past some of my problems. In the next section I will talk about how I dealt with these problems and improvised to create a new and similar message.

Production

    Once I really started to sit down and write my story board I knew it was going to be very difficult to get seven pictures portraying my parents divorce with so little resources. I could not ask my father for photos because it would be too hard on him and my mother only had two that were relevant. I realized that my options were limited for this theme. I decided to change my theme slightly and relate it more to my personal romance which has suffered from this divorce. Since the divorce, I have had trouble committing to a serious relationship that I have been leading into.   I feel so strongly about my current relationship and it evokes even more emotion out of me than the divorce.
    I decided to change the theme from my parents divorce to commitment issues in general. This was something my parents divorce and my personal life had to do with. I could now express myself even further and had the means to produce a full story board. The two pictures I had originally still were worked into my project, they just now served a different purpose. Certain settings I used for my pictures did not end up working. I tried taking pictures against a window at one point and decided against it. I wanted everything taken at night so a window was not the best idea.
    The production took about two hours. I first had to play the MGM preview to put myself in the mood and marinade deep in my emotions. I also had to get my girlfriend in the right state of mind to participate in this production. Although the concept was tough on her, I wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible. Once I felt comfortable in the right state of mind to start production I mapped out the specific spots where I wanted to take the pictures. Once I decided on the specific shot settings we then started production. Shooting took a little over an hour considering I felt the need to take multiple shots for each image. Throughout shooting we had to adjust angles, lighting, and depth of field.
    The production occurred at Maddy Bortners house near by campus. Since I decided to personalize this photo essay I used my actual girlfriend, Maddy Bortner, for the photos. I picked this setting because I trust her and there was a lot of options in terms of space to shoot. I also liked the fact that she lived on a quiet road which could be used as the background for one of my pictures. Like I said I chose night time to enhance the darkness and depression of most of the photo essay. Her housemate took the photos of us. We have been struggling through my family issues which eventually became our issues for some time. Although this was difficult for us emotionally we felt closer after production was over.
    For this photo essay I used a 12 mega pixel Fujifilm. Unfortunately I do not own my own camera so I had to borrow from a friend. My original objective was to show nostalgia and prove that there is a reason to believe in hope. Once production started my objective had changed into portraying commitment issues. I accurately executed this objective because I used my parents divorce and tied it in with images depicting the challenges I had in my relationship.

Post-Production

    My problems varied from not having enough photos to depict my original issue, to then feeling that the replacement photos I took were not effective enough. Obviously when I did not have enough photos to do my original concept I switched it to something a little more feasible and even more personal. When it came to making sure the photos were effective enough I was initially worried. I did not want to alter them too much, but once I started I realized the power it had on the mood and message of the photo. The altering I did really told the story better than my captions.
    Overall I learned that you cannot make something out of nothing. In order to create something beautiful you need the correct resources. This was something I did not have originally and it ended up working out for the better. My biggest success came in the altering. Using focus on my picture with fire and on peoples faces in other pictures was key in telling the story. I did not feel much disappointment throughout this project. I was so satisfied with everything I made. It was disappointing when having to really dig deep into my emotions for inspiration on such a sad topic. Despite that I felt better after and am glad I focused on this. Thankfully because I decided to spend so much time on altering (even if it was ever so slightly) I was able to visually convey what I wanted to.
    Next time I would give myself a lot more time on a project like this. Even though we had a long time to do our final, I would like to do a similar project but take even longer. I would gather up as many resources as I could and spend a couple of months editing and finding the best quality photos for my project. My overall view is great because I do not consider myself to be someone who is very creative. I would definitely do it again and not change a thing. Seeing a final copy of art that you produced is a rush that I would love to get used to. For me this is a great accomplishment and next time I hope to do something musically inspired.